Perfect: a Red X Story
by Dakyu
Summary: A funny little quip where Red X is on his normal rounds, trying to steal a few things while looking out for 1. Everything was going perfectly...but the one thing he didn't count on was a plethera of villains barging in all after the same thing! story be


A masked face steadily scanned the city. There was no wind. Not even a breeze to ruffle his cape as the figure stealthily crept and leapt between the high rooftops. The city was falling asleep, fewer and fewer cars were moving about the streets far below him by the second…

It was the perfect night to steal.

Red X stretched in the half moon light, releasing a satisfied sigh. Although the titans had taken away his "utility belt," it hadn't been hard to get some new supplies. Smoke bombs, grappling hook, and a few other trinkets. He could still call out his x-shaped scythe on his right arm as a close quarters weapon, even though it still wasn't as good as when it could spin like a saw. While his collection of tools wasn't as extensive as Robin's, he wasn't using it to fight for or against justice. In fact, if all went well, he wouldn't even need to break a sweat.

Not like he normally did, anyways.

The titans were the only ones that were even had a chance of catching him, however, he had been careful to stay out of the normal places that they looked, such as the big museums and such.

Most of the time.

He was ready for a change of pace. All of his previous things had been just expensive jewelry and small things that didn't hinder his movement in case he was ever discovered during a robbery.

Once again, like that ever happened.

He mentally shrugged. He wanted something different than the same old jewels and such, even though pick-pocketing was a talent he was infamous for…but man, it got so OLD after the first…what? 50 thousand times?

X made another gravity-defying leap across a lane of traffic far below, landing quietly behind an air conditioning vent. The thrill from stealing from ordinary people was gone. And he was in need of some pocket change. Hm…

Leap.

Leap.

Leap.

There was the slightest ruffle of his cape as he landed again, one last time near the Jump City Museum of Natural History.

"Jump City." Who the hell was stupid enough to come up with a name like THAT? Did they want to give neighboring communities the idea that everyone was in shape and jumped around a lot? Or maybe just the fact that they were hopeful that their city could be mobile and jump from place to place?

He shook his head. The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous the ideas became. Quickly flushing the ridiculous thoughts out of his head, he made his way down the fire escape, landing in an old abandoned alleyway. There weren't any pedestrians out tonight, however he wasn't taking any chances.

Caution, along with stealth, were two of a thief's best weapons.

He probably _could_ have made it into the museum without being seen by using the doors.

He probably _could_ have taken out a guard or two as he went along, just for fun.

But this was serious: getting cocky was a criminal's worst decision. After all, he didn't really want to be KNOWN for what he did. He wasn't a criminal mastermind like that Slade guy he had heard so much about.

Who would WANT to own the city like that? Or take over and rule the world? It was too much work…

The white mask darted about the room; or an onlooker would have seen it as so. He moved in the darkness, one with shadow. A guard yawned, closing his eyes for a brief millisecond.

It was all he needed.

He darted across the hallway, disabling the laser detectors without a sound and then up into a ceiling corner. The guard's mouth closed and he mumbled something under his breath, making his way to the security center down the hall.

Stupid…

X waited an additional minute to make sure that he was out of sight, then dropped from his hiding spot, landing, for perhaps the millionth time in his life, with complete and unalloyed silence.

With another quick step he bypassed the controls to the laser system, and with a small little gurgle of protest, the machine shut itself off.

X blinked behind his mask for a moment at the noise. Advanced technology never ceased to amaze him at times…

He moved again silently across the room, trying to find something worthy of stealing.

Figures…he was in the dinosaur section…

Nothing here…perfect… he thought sarcastically.

He flipped across a camera's line of sight into another room, involving the mammoths and saber-toothed tigers and such. Seems so odd that many people were so content to learn only about so little. Mammoths lived so long after the dinosaurs, almost 65 million years afterwards.

How come no one wanted to learn about the in-between times?

He sighed. Nothing like the ignorance of humanity to surprise someone. Or amuse, he thought a second later.

X realized he was going in the wrong direction. All of the valuable things…or rather the valuable things that he could get out of here easily, was farther "back in time," in the ancient minerals section. There he might be able to find some kind of really nice ruby or something.

Of course, he might only find a bunch of rocks, but it was something to do…what else was a criminal to do but steal and try to make a living?

Another jump over a camera's view and he landed right next to the entrance of the exhibit.

Jackpot.

There was a gigantic diamond in the middle of the room, easily almost the size of a basketball, but he ignored it. It was far too heavy for him to take with him. Besides, someone was bound to miss that. Plus security probably would have had SOME sort of security on it. He didn't have anything that would allow him to see any additional laser beams that might be present at this point, so trying to take it would just be ludicrous. With something this valuable, they would probably have it on its own separate network to keep stupid thieves a little more deterred. But, if he was lucky, no one would even notice the absence of one of the minor stones.

He shrugged mentally. He even surprised himself at what he stole nowadays. Ever since that run-in with the Titans when he had almost been captured…

Bah, no time to think of that. His laser-disrupter was meant to only last for about 20 minutes at the very most, and he could turn it off at any moment; hopefully the guard wouldn't notice, though even if he did, most of the guards here wouldn't have been able to take him on even if they wanted too…

THERE!

Red X stopped his pacing around the gallery to look at an interesting stone of some kind of crystallite. It was the perfect size to fit in his belt, and it looked expensive enough to keep him fed for a LONG time…

_Boom…_

What the heck? He stopped his work for a moment to listen.

_BAM!_

X was knocked off his feet as the ground itself shook up and down once. What the hell was going on?

"Come on guys, we gotta get in and out of here quick!" The voice was female. Not really squeaky, but commanding. "The Brotherhood of evil said they would accept us in if we got them this."

Goddamned idiots…

He cursed further under his breath as alarms blared. He had brought a glass cutter for jobs like this, but the display case wasn't going to be given an easy death. His fist smashed the glass into little bits, and he snatched the crystal and locked it into his belt.

"We know that!" A high pitched voice squealed. "We're not stupid!"

"Come on, Jinx. You owe us more credit than that! We're smarter than you think…"

_Thud._

"Idiot…"

"What?"

"Could you set off any MORE alarms!" The high voice screeched.

"Shut up you two," the female voice said again. "You're acting like little kids. Mammoth, get the big crystal."

"Why am I always the one getting the big stuff?"

"You're the only one that CAN get it, lard brains."

"Oh…right…"

"What about me?"

"And me?"

"And me?"

"And me!"

X heard the female voice sigh. "Numerous…SHUT. UP!"

"Yipe!"

"Yipe!"

"Yipe!"

"What he said!"

"Huh? What's—OW!"

"Shut up Billy."

X heard a loud exasperated sigh from (he assumed) the little one. He smirked. These idiots didn't have a clue as to how to be stealthy.

Perfect…

He didn't even bother to avoid cameras. If he was right, the titans would be engaging these idiots with a big battle…wait a second…

If he was caught here with them, they would assume that I was with them, right? Stupid titans, always thinking things were in black and white.

This could easily work to his advantage…or really hinder his escape. But he'd have to move at precisely the right moment. Hastily he stuffed another stone he had eyeballed as well as some other small ones that might be valuable and snuck into a corner. The most farcical team he had ever spotted came before his eyes. One was a giant red-head, a puny bald kid, and some girl with pink hair. There was also some short Cyclops of a kid with a gigantic eyeball as big as a baseball, and standing next to him was some sort of idiot with his clones in a red suit and some kid in a black cape with glowing red eyes.

X sighed. He knew all of them. Mammoth, Jynx, Gizmo, Kid Wicked, Billy something-or-other, and See-More. They were infamous in many ways: they had taken on and actually defeated the titans at one point (without Billy and Wicked, as he'd heard…there was some other weirdo with a yellow shield that had been there before them…) but they were mostly infamous in the title the criminal underworld had given them.

"The Three stooges."

X wasn't the type of person to be into gossip and those sorts of things, but some idiot had carelessly left a copy of the underworld newspaper laying on the city streets, and a headline labeling the original three Hive members as such. Now with three extra members, they still called themselves the "Hive five." The black-clad thief just liked to call them "the three stooges plus change."

These dorks couldn't be stealthy if their lives depended on it.

"There's the diamond. Mammoth?"

"Yeah, yeah. You don't have to be bossy Jynx."

"Just shut up and let's move, alright? The police would have to be deaf to have not heard that."

"Or the teen titans…"

"Gizmo, that's exactly why we have to keep MOVING!"

"No, duh, Jynx. Even muscle boy and multiple-num-nuts for brains here understand THAT much…"

"What was that!"

"What!"

"I heard that!"

"Stupid little kid."

"What's going on? Was I just insulted?"

"No duh, Billy."

"Oh, come on now, Billy. You don't have to be so mean."

"I'm not being mean. I'm just telling the truth! You're stupid! Wait…that means…I'm stupid…ARGH!"

Red X's forehead found itself resting in the palm of his hand as the four (and extra Billys) of them began to squabble. This was no good at all…no wonder the titans beat these idiots over and over again…

He turned to leave, (as they had not even noticed he was there,) but was instantly knocked off his feet from yet ANOTHER explosion.

"What now?" he groaned, flicking tiny bits of rubble off his shoulders.

"Do not worry my children. You will all come to see the light."

The Hive group blinked at him. "And you are…" Jynx prodded.

A nerve appeared on the man's face. "Dr. Light…the man who almost defeated the titans on many occasions…"

"So that makes you a several-times beaten loser then, right?"

A nerve throbbed on his head. "Well…I…uh…"

"Heah heah. He's a LOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEER!" One Billy taunted.

"Loser! The lighty Loooooooooooooseeeeeeeeeeer! Lighty's got no light in heas attic so he's a loooooooooooseeeeeerrrrrrr!" multiple Billys taunted.

The rest of the Hive team just stared at him/them for a moment, before turning back to stealing the precious stones in racks along the walls.

Dr. Light stood for a moment, a few puffs of smoke coming in fumes out of his ear. "DON'T YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT!" he bellowed.

"Nope."

"Nuh-uh."

Munch munch. "Mammoth," Jynx rolled her eyes, "mammoth bones are NOT edible."

Crunch crunch swallow.

"EW!"

Dr. Light took a deep breath as the young rookie villains squabbled. "Look…I'm just here for the diamond."

Gizmo whirled about. "What the heck do you need that for?"

"I will be using it for a machine that will, with the assistance of that ridiculously large diamond in your bumbling hands, amplify my natural ability to cast and manipulate light, thus enabling me to absorb much more light and RAZE my enemies…" There was a hint of glee on his face as he finished, his fist clenched like he had just crushed the teen titans.

Hive stood motionless.

Gizmo sighed, and a screen popped up from his portable electronics "stuff."

HE NEEDS IT FOR A MACHINE

"I geet it!"

"Me too!"

"Great Billy!" One of the Billys's smiled vanished from his face. "Now can you explain it to me?"

X could only stare in wide-eyed disbelief at the southerner's ramblings with his other selves. No wonder the titans seemed to handle things with ease. Their supposed "villains" were nothing but idiots…

"Oh…" Mammoth scratched his head. "H…E…He! N…"

Dr. Light sighed, and with his light whip snagged the crystal. With a yank he pulled it from Mammoth's hands, and laughed as he caught it.

"Ha HA! NOW I have…urk…it…cough…" His knees began to quiver under the newfound strain, his entire body sinking lower and lower.

Thud.

X leaned against the wall. The titans were undoubtedly on their way, and with so many villains here, he might even get a show. Once you got past the sheer stupidity of it, it was actually rather amusing.

There was a rumble from behind him. What NOW!

He flung himself sideways, almost not landing on his feet as the wall exploded behind him.

"Hello foolish humans! It is I! Control Freak! Hahahahaha!" He burst into the room, glowing remotes drawn; a few fans behind him blowing the dust in dramatic twirling clouds about him.

Dork.

Gizmo flew up to his face with a determined look. Control Freak's look of thrilled exhilaration faded, changing to an expression of puzzlement. The little bald midget flew around him, flicking his nose and inspecting his hair, before flying back out in front of him.

"I grade you…" the small boy pulled out a stamp, "'official dork'."

CF looked at the newfound tattoo on his forehead, and growled. "Fear me…" he muttered. As he gazed around, he let out a small whistle of appreciation as he looked at some of the collateral damage to the exhibit. Some…no, many…of the bone structures had been knocked over, glass shards were everywhere, alarms blaring.

His gaze trailed over to Dr. Light under the giant diamond. "I take it I'm not the only one after that, am I?"

Everyone else nodded.

"Well I will be the one to take it," Control Freak said, regaining his composure and whirling as if he had a cloak that fit. "For with it, I can make a gigantic remote that will be able to control ALL TVs in the entire WORLD! MUAHAHAHA—"

"Why would anyone want to do that?" Jynx's head was cocked to the side slightly.

CF blinked, his face once again a combination of being blank and confusion. "Well…to…have control…"

One of the Billys whispered something into another's ear. "Hehe! Yeah, that's how he got his name all right…he IS a control freak…"

"That bugger needs a vacation…" another Billy muttered.

X began walking around the conversation, almost as if he was gaily strolling in the park. He had what he came for. With any luck, they would probably just…

"HEY!"

Perfect…X sighed.

Jynx shot a small blast of pink towards X. Not really dead on in aim, probably just a warning shot, anyways. He easily ducked, the blast sailing over his head and crashing into a wall.

"You trying to hit the sky or me, because either way you missed…badly…" he muttered cockily.

"We came here first, you have no right to just—"

"_You_ came here first?" X laughed. Listen babe, not all people have to make big entrances. I can see that you all want the diamond, and I can also tell you that I want nothing to do with it. I just want a few valuable little crystals that will keep number one alive for a while, eh?"

Everyone blinked.

A long extended silence ensued. X shrugged, and began to stride off. He heard an argument brew up again, but then there was another explosion in the back round, and he could hear Robin shouting "titans, go!"

Let them fight…not like anything was really salvageable from that exhibit anymore, anyways. It was just another night, and there would be many more perfect nights just like this one.

Well…hopefully not QUITE as "perfect" as this one…there were enough idiots in the world that he had to deal with already.

He groaned at some of the memories as his silhouette vanished perfectly into the shadows of the night.

0o0o0o0o0oo0

A/N: Hey all, this is my first Red X story. Kinda surprising, considering he's my favorite character from TT (minus BB and Rae, of course,). Ah, well, I hope that all of you liked it; it was really fun to write!

You know the Drill, R&R, and I might write a sequel and/or a continuation of this. For those of you who are reading "clash of times," I am really sorry for not updating. My sced is all off the walls bonkers right now…school sucks, go figure.

Once again, I thank all of you who take the time to review and help a fellow writer!

Peace out,

Dakyu


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